prince of d, bard of fab.

okay but everyone knows nothing actually works to discourage Grantaire from drinking

like threats, bribes, interventions, programs, encouragement, games, whatever, he don’t care, they all fall flat

until one time he’s sitting next to Enjolras’ table in the CafĂ© Musain and he’s lifting his drink to his lips and Enjolras mutters something and it’s just something totally stupid and inane like, “Just lay me on a guillotine why don’t you” or something while he’s working on his homework and Grantaire overhears it and for some reason it’s just so fucking funny and he just snorts and chokes and has to set down his drink because damnit Enjolras and every time he tries to pick it up again he can’t because all he can picture is a tINY ENJOLRAS SITTING ON THE RIM OF HIS GLASS DRAMATICALLY AND SOLEMNLY PROCLAIMING HE WOULD RATHER BE GUILLOTINED and he just can’t stop snickering in exasperation and eventually he just gives up and turns to Enjolras accusingly with a glare and goes “I can’t finish my drink because of you”

and Enjolras just blinks and goes “What?” but figures it out after watching the other keep trying to drink before covering his mouth and muttering “Guillotines…” and eventually giving up

but like Enjolras intentionally does this again the next time he sees Grantaire picking up a bottle next meeting, just says something random and inane and stupid and out of place and Grantaire just snorts and has to put it down to cover his head because god fricking damn it Enjolras only it KEEPS HAPPENING

every time Enjolras spots him lifting a drink, even if he’s in the middle of a conversation on the opposite side of the room, he’ll suddenly whip his head of blonde curls around and give this intense glance and say something like “I’D SUFFER ANOTHER REIGN OF TERROR TO CHANGE THIS WEATHER” and Grantaire will just slam down the bottle cos FUCK and it’s so frustrating trying not to laugh because it’s NOT EVEN FUNNY IT’S JUST STUPID DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE AND FRICK

but despite the weird looks Enjolras keeps getting he still does it and it becomes his own ridiculous little anti-drinking campaign

(Grantaire swears he’s going to throttle Enjolras when the day comes that he looks at a can of beer and can only hear Enjolras’ voice pealing out some godawful French-Revolution-related pun, but as much as he won’t admit it it’s actually been having a significant effect on his intake and the more drinks he puts down the easier it is to do it when no one’s around)

((and then they make out maybe))

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